After a glorious 15 months off with my first daughter, I went back to work, to a job I’d done for 6 years and felt so lost. We had moved offices, staff had changed, my new part-time hours meant I had so much to do in a shorter amount of time and I felt totally over whelmed. My daughter wasn’t settling into childcare, I hated leaving her and the mummy guilt was crippling. I felt so totally different than I did before I left work and I no longer wanted to be there. My confidence had hit rock bottom, I was not the same person as I was when I left and no one had prepared me for this transition.
To make things worse still, I was almost immediately made redundant. Being back at work was hard enough and now I had to start frantically applying for new jobs. I was a shell of my former self, no longer the confident career woman, I just felt like there was no way I could compete against other people for a job. Being out for work for so long meant I didn’t feel I had the examples to draw on when it came to an interview situation and how on earth was I going to find the confidence to stand in front of a panel of people? I spent my first week missing my daughter, sobbing in the toilet and wondering why the hell I couldn’t pull myself together.
At this point, I had been working in a Careers Advisory position for 6 years and I knew what I needed to know about recruitment, applying for jobs and the interview process. I was in a good position but what was truly lacking was confidence. I didn’t believe I was good enough to get another job and to be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. All the jobs I could find were full time and I didn’t want that. I wanted to be at home with my little girl, or if not, I wanted to be doing something I truly loved to justify my time away from her.